thanks gals....

the past 24 hrs has been really bad... cld not catch much of zz.. everyone's worryin for me.. sorry abt it.. i din mean to... i am really touched for all the things u pple have done... really appreciate it.. still can't believe tt i made such a stupid mistake.. can't forgive myself at least for now.. but will learn from it.. and grow out of it... someone said tt i shld be stronger... shld not cry so easily.. maybe i shld learn tt huh... give me some time... as a sayin.. a leapord will never change its spots.. prob take time and through mistakes tt i learn...i prob just need a tiny bit more time than the rest... jia yo everyone... hopefully i will be back a different person...

some tts...

the past few weeks has been really an emotional rollercoaster ride for me.. and maybe pple ard me.. i treasure the highs and experienced lots of lows...many times i just wish that i can escape from this world just for a while.. just to breathe... just to recharge.. and i will be in a better position to think and make decisions... am i too weak? am i a coward? am i a bud not able to withstand all the stress and sucummb to it.. i think i really need to get away to somewhere to have the soul consoled...

pple tell me tt i tend to think too much and most of the time negative way... maybe i am just being emotional... dun want ot find any excuses for it already.. cos it just me... change? it is not overnight........ time is the impt factor...

i guess life is ain't rosy and a bed of roses... even with a bed of roses, there r thorns.. it is true these when we grow stronger... think negatively?? we will grow older and tired...

dislike the feeling of uncertainity.... it sucks big time... sorry to someone.. having to put certain issues on hold.. i noe tt feeling sucks.. things will get into place soon... i din meant it to be this way... but things r just not the right time for me.. at least.. jia yo for ur papers... :)

let me escape from all these for a while.. i really need to recharge...

Rainbows..

Desipte the gloomy skies,

a beautiful rainbow greeted me with a smile this morning.....

The colours shown brightly as the day gets by

bringing colours into my life....

painting beautiful pictures....

However good things always end in a blink

the raindow disappeared

drawing colours away from my life

leaving me behind black and white

when will the rainbow

shine in my life again?

Decisions and more...

today's entry is going to be a gloomy one.. had a pretty rough day today... have been really drained and tired since dunno when.. i guess everyone is...was really tired doing certain things today.. cld nt concentrate.. hope tt things turn out well in the end.. crossin my fingers...

had a gd talk with jie today.. really poured my heart out to her... told her alot of things which maybe others din want to hear.. it was a nice chat.. i guess now we r pretty open with things.. i like this feeling. we r learning to work with each other styles....

had a pia session with the rest today till 11pm.. omg.. took a cab home.. quite drained but going back to books later.. must jia yo everyone... back to sch to mug tml...

decisions... dun really like the fact tt i am forced into decision within such a short time.. wish i really had more time do think of certain things better... wish i had more advice on certain things... really feel quite pek chek... it is not i can't work under stress.. but i dun like to decide impt decisions within a limited. time.. wish i had tt extra breathing corner...

To everyone: thanks for the concern and care... there r many things i need to sort out myself.. and hopefully will be back on feet again.. jia yo.. :)

a consoled soul.....

had a really good chat with she-beng.. never tt we can really have a heart to heart talk.. told her abt the past events and my feelings.. well i had been really emo this week.. it was a really bad week for me... so kinda needed someone to tell who understand my situation.. thanks she-beng.. thanks for being there when i really needed an ear..

she pointed out that there r different types of pple.. the hard-hearted.. and the soft-hearted ones.. the 2 individuals have to learn to live well with each other.. well won't discuss much abt the former.

just prob tell ya more abt her opinions on the soft-hearted since she classify me under tt :) being someone who is soft-hearted, i tend to take others' feelings very seriously.. i want pple ard me to be happy and den i will be.. hence somtimes we tend to be thrown into situations where decisions r tough to make.. cos we just want to make everyone happy.. not knowing sometimes this might be sth irrtating.. this is a quality tt i have.. i am not askin anyone to bear with it.. but if anyone wants me to make decisions.. do keep this in mind... also for the soft-hearted pple.. things r not so simple ABC or 1,2,3..at least i don't..there certain things which i dun say w/o thinkin it throughly..... i will care for wat other think and whether i will do sth which will hurt them.. there r so many considerations... before a decision is made.. this may or may not hurt anyone in the end.. it really depends..

she-beng suggested that i shld just go with my heart and do thing which i want.. and not live for others.. i will be damn drained tired. and in the end everyone is not happy.. perhaps.. it shld be the way.. ya? but i guess there is so much to learn from each other and to live in this world.. workin hard to it.. perhaps my job can train me in this... i am still hopeful..

exams r here.. i noe it has been a really tough week.. really hope tt everyone jia yo.. pulls thr this all tog... it will end really really soon... work hard to memorise everything.. omg!!! okies back to books... jia yo!!

Down.....

y do i feel so down these days..stress? tired? or just PMISNG... argh really hate this feeling...has been ard for 2 days... brain just not workin properly and eyes feels so strained... hope that things will get better tml...

how come i dun feel any happier after i said and have done certain things? wat kind of feelings i shld get? hmmm sad? happy? relieved? confused? it is all sort of feeling tt i have.. really mixed and can't be describe... it has nt been really going smoothly for me at least for the past weeks.. alot of conflicting feelings.. y do i get this.. i am so unsure.. so uncertain.. abt everything.. am i in the wrong? have i done things which i shld not.. unsure again.. am i takin things too seriously... shld i just relax and take things easier.. it is just not me.. i dun want to think... not for now at least... i am so scared tt i may say things which i may not mean it.. i think i am not even making sense here.. okies better stop writing rubbish....

Life is as simple as one, two, three..

Had a rough day at school, tried to study.. but only manage alittle.. not very productive day.. was pretty upset with certain things.. really bad in expressing myself.. think i shld go and take up some courses.. well but came up with this poem..

Life is as simple as one, two, three..

Although I am as blurr as a sotong,

tt is just only one side of me..

The others may be basking in the light

But I was never in the dark

The machines were aliens to me

But thanks for being my friend :)

Entering a new phase of my life,

Matters of the heart are not in the cards

Come April 23rd,

I hope you remain as my friend.

THe Start of A New Beginning

today marks the end of the honours yr.. it was the poster symposium day where everyone had to be in formal attire and give their best presentation to their examiners. it is a nice experience which i will keep it with me 4ever.. the day went well with good food and company.. i guess the highlight of the day was really the banquet.... it was a time where i proved that fact that boys will always be boys.. and when woman will hope that they will grow into man.. someday..i hope.. i salute those who really can control their actions and for those who can't.. i really hope u do someday.. this going to be a long entry.. so bear with me...

To boss:
Thank you for accepting me into the group... you r nt only my supervisor, but my mentor, like a father to me.. it is really enjoyable talking to you where u will share your opinions, your wisdom, your knowledge with us.. it is sth which i will treasure greatly..thank you boss..

To Shifu:
I noe i have been a real trouble for ya this yr.. apologise for tt first :P just want to say a BIG thank you!!!! you have not only been my shifu in my work.. but in all other aspects in life... You have inspired me in everything.. be it my personal life, my workin attitudes, my goals, my character... i am really fortunate to noe u as my shifu... thank you for all the memorable things u have done to brighten up my life. THank you for all the advices and comments... these are things which i will never 4get... to me,,, u have been a special part in my life.. :)

To my clique( XP, JY, HF, Xl, HH, DREY,Uncle Ben):
it has been an amazing yr with u gals and the MAn in the lab... each of u gals play a special role in my life.. drey and HH will always be the encouraging ones... who never fails to assure me when i need it.. thanks for the beautiful comments always reminding me tt i can do it.. XP and HF, thanks for reminding me tt i am living in reality and not in LALALAND.. the scoldings sometime i get from ya i noe they r good for me.. and i noe deep down u gals really care for me.. appreciate it.. JY.. or shld i say aifen to be? hahaha okies.. it has been a great sem with ya.. thanks for listening to me when i really needed an ear... XL, u never fails to contribute to the group with ur voice.... i suppose we can always count on ya call the waitress when we r out for a meall.. :P. Uncle Ben!!!!!! thanks for the endless reminders on work and also the concern u have for us... and i will miss all the Wld Ya questions... it will be deeply missed..

To the ONe:
It has been great knowing u better in the 2nd sem.. I always noe tt i can count on a big bro like ya for things.. ( everyone shld agree here!!!!! last man standing, no joke). Thanks for the company during the toughest times this yr... sleepless nights.. and pia-ing together online.. THanks for the love and concern u showered on us.. ( i bet everyone else wld want to thank ya for tt too... ok, i help them too here.. :p) i suppose u have been the pillar of support for many... and they really appreciate it.. never lose this ability of urs. and work hard towards a great future... i believe u will have.. :) good luck in finding tt special someone to create a new future with.. :) (PS: sometimes mum will noe ya the best.. )

to my new found frens ( lab or honours):
it has been great knowing u pple... u have a special place in my heart and life.. life will be so monotoneous without you guys.. thanks for all the wonderful stories we have created together.. i sincerely wish the best in everything u guys do in future.. :)

the end of my education years..

sipping my camomile tea.. argh.. feelin so satisfied and relax? hmmm okies still got symposium tml and exams... but it has come to an end.. tough it has been... i think i survived this yr cos of u guys.. u made the tough days.. a breeze.. those drinkin days. those lunches.. those siao moments... omg.. r deeply etched in my heart and mind.. tml.. marks a special day for all of us.. the final day? i think all of us will be flyin to the moon after tt.. i really hope so..

my fren's mum intro a gal to him today.. so cute.. haha.. this days still got such things.. but really tough to say.. maybe tt turns out the be tt gal leh? heheeh hehe ..... my mum always hope tt i marry my neighbour.. she always say how gd he is.. how good lookin he is.. omg.. omg.. want to faint..actually sometimes i just wished she will match-make me with someone.. den i no need to find someone and have the risk of her not likin him.. one criteria tt i have is.. tt my family must accept him.. my family is very impt to me.. so i guess things will be easier if my mum likes him and match-make us.. okies i hear alot of SLAP, bleah!!! AHAH okies.. this is the slack way out.. but i am happy now.. :).. leading a happening life.. and it is goin to be damn busy i am sure.. :)

Priorities

as we grow up.. there r many things we need to complete and do.. it is not just so simple completeing the education system and ensuring one get gd grades. alot of job interviews i went to require me to priortise and multi-task.. sth which i am still learning.. workin hard on it...

grades.. or rather good grades.. is sth which many of us desire and work hard for it.. come to think abt it.. is it the most impt thing in life? in 10 yrs time, wld ya tell ur children or frens tt u got hmmm 10 A1s in sec sch? will it be the topic in future topics? there r so many things in life other than it.. i admit i once use to think that grades is my life.. GOOD ones... i will be upset if i din get a certain mark... haha foolish? maybe...it were the days when i never really tt abt future and wat i really want to do.. and my only priority were grades.. as u grow older, one will realise life is not as simple as ABC.. gettin good grades may land ya in a good job.. but tt is just it.. the world out there is complex and it needs more than just good grades..

I admire pple who noe wat the want in life and realised that uni education is a just a bridge for it.. they will work towards their goals and plan for the future..my sis is a damn good eg.. she works hard for wat she wants... seein her so tired out really slapped me hard in the face... Me? will get stumped on questions like wat do u see urself in 5 yrs time? and i will just come out with sth to get it over with.. tt shld nt be the way. i think it is really time i sit down and ask myself wat i really want in 5 yrs time, 10 yrs.. 20yrs.. or even 50 yrs... plan plan plan is wat i shld do....
i hope pple who r in the same situation as me.. will find their path too.. :)

love the track

met up with beng for lunch.. it has been ages since we met up for a meal.. he has always wanting to meet me for a meal but i super busy... this time pretty much insisted b4 i leave sch... :) well i am lookin forward to the roses and chocolates tt he promise to get during my grad ceremony.. :) nice chap.. but just my part time bf and no more.. though i am askin him to be my sugar daddy.. :)

was tryin to mug in sch today.. but really.. dunno if i were too tired.. it was hard.. nothing seems to go in.. waited for the rest and went for a jog. they went to jog ard sch.. i chose the track.. cos my stamina can't compare to theirs... the jog was shiok!!! it was refreshing though i was feelin damn tired.. but i enjoyed it alot.. okies u gals must be thinkin tt i am mad!!!!! after the jog.. i was walkin ard the track.. was thinkin abt alot of stuff.. did alot of reflection.. it has been ages since i did this.. i used to walk ard my jc track with stef when i was really upset.. this time. it was more of going thr wat i really want.. i enjoyed the quiet moment i had.. treasure it..

just another day?

today was a day of catchin up.. remembering the past and hoping for the future.. it was a nice chat with xp first..in her room.. i must really say tt bed is super sinful.... once ya on it.. it is just lalaland.... cfm!!! it was nice to hear her stuff and her listenin to my stuff.. at least i am clearer abt wat i want.. a good assurance booster... :) met up with the rest for lunch.. wow!! had a fantastic lunch.. not cos of the food.. it sucks. but it was the company.. caught the song Graduation.. wow.. it hit us again tt we r going to grad.. i hope so.... time really flies.. they were predicting tt i will cry at every event comin up.. haha.. fang even warned me to wear waterproof makeup.. haha.. we shall see... btw.. fang u look damn gd with tt new look!!! keep it up man!!!
had dinner with PAt.. was listeing to her teaching dayss.. man.. it is really true tt teachers talk abt sch kids.. interesting to listen though.. another energy and assurance booster from her.. it is always great to chat with her.. :) sth tt i learnt.. haha.. GUYs: never ask a gal if she has been skinny b4.... omg!!!! tt is totally an insult.. this line never exists in our dating dictionary.. :)

sunflowers...

rainbows...

shinning stars..

actors...

masks...

Masquerade...

Dark...

Blinded...

Lost...

VIVO city...

woke up at 6am this morning.. mummy really cute.. she came in just in time when i woke up.. wanted to switch off the air-con cos too cold. she came in den she was liek HUH!! u have nt zz.. den i was NO NO i slept!!! went back to zz.. woke up at 9 plus.. i was liek wat der.. heck went back to zz.. needed all the zz i cld get.. SHIFU!!! u must ZZ TOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

woke up at 11am.. had to lah.. cos needed to meet the rest at vivo to celebrate wansi's bday.. she wanted to wat at carnivore.. hmmm but went there. too crowded.. while waiting for them i went shoppin!!! was at 4ever 21.. tried on 2 dresses.. one white.. nt very flatttering.. the other was.. er nt matching dresses. but i look hot in it i think hah..

went to sushi tei.. omg.. i had a seafood paper boat!!!! there was crab, prawns, salmon.. and scallop!! omg i totally love tt.. had my fav baked salmon sushi!!! yum yum.. den we went to play ash hold dai dee at macs.. tt one can play for 3 hrs.. well done..

den we went back to VIVO.. wanted to shop.. well we did go to daiso.. den went to this pet shop.. omg they dogs were soooooc ute... cute cute cute.. oh.. i heard form a fren tt if a guy loves animals.. he is def a gd catch.. hmm how true is tt.. haha

den we went to play arcarde... omg.. we play this air hockey... paired up with suresh.. was against wansi and jie si.. hah the both sis.. haha omg.. we beat them flat... den aganst yurui and her bf.. haha.. well i was lettin in alot of own goals.. haha.. BUT!!!! in the end.. suresh and i won!! haha.. well done man!!!!

after tt went to food republic to eat.. nice session.. it kinda reminded me.. one of the sessions we have with uncle ben.. the wld ya.. uncle ben.. kinda miss it le... must have this kind of sessions sooon okies.. some questions.. there is this really hot one... how far will ya go in a r/s with ur parnter.. 1) hold hands, 2) hugs, 3) kiss, 4) petting and 5) SEX!!!! where do ya stand.. we chatted till liek omg.. close to 11 lor.. super fun.. liek such sessions... my criteria... sth which i din ans.. i think i am more a attraction person first.. i fall for pple easily.. alot of pple tell me tt too. but in order to sustain tt.. i think criteria will come in.. which i am still seraching for.. i never tjhink tt r/s is so simple.. i think alot.. and nt findin sth which i am not confident tt will work out... i must be sure b4 i get into.. for now.. it is nt really on my list.. let's leave this on hold for a while.. :).. so won't go and think abt it..

Lalalalalalalalla

la la lalalala la lala lalalalal... omg!!!!!!!! i am sooooo thrilled!!! it is finallly over... :).. really tired now.. but who cares.. man.. it is time to jsut nuah and relax... omg omg omg.. the past few days has been really busy.. packed with work.. nightless sleep.. tt is wat haha sgg calls it.. or is it their other way round.. brain nt functionin properly.. haha.. but.. happening.. too happening.. i want to express my gratitude to pple.. ESP MY ELDER!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! I AM SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER TOUCHED.. not all over though no worries i am str!!! haha but thank u .. just liek u had learnt alot from ur elder.. i did too!!!!it is not only in terms of work...it has been an great journey.. dunno how it will be w/o u.. THANKS!!!!!!!! mus tthank those who stayed up with me .. i thikn if u guys nt ard.. i prob zz liao.. haha i noe i am siao. but it is aa great feelin to achieve certain things within such a short time.. super challenging!!!!

wow.. time really flies.. i rem the day when i first met the usual gang tt i hang out with... lunch sessions were sth which i looked forward to everyday, it still does.. i miss those days when all us just sat down for LLLLLOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG lunches.. today all of us r handin up our final report.. WOW!!!! scary.. scary..tml we r going to grad.. omg.. omg.. entering a new phase in life.. i am totally excited.. will miss u guys.. let's organise a trip to somewhere.. :) just to nuah and relaz... think the cruise idea quite cool can play bridge!!! okies dream time... my eyes r hardly open.. but fire in me still burns.. :)

chatting.. Friends..

had 2 chats today with 2 very impt pple in my life.. it was a very warm, nice, familiar feeling. it has been a long time i had such feelings with pple ard me.. everyone's really busy.. miss tt feeling.. learnt quite abit from them.. made me realised tt i have grown ( okies i noe sideways..) but i mean more of emo, intell, and ya ya size... :P

this yr saw many UPs and downs.. for me at least.. tough yr? ya i must say.. but i had pple ard me..encouraging and pushing me along.. it is a very warm feeling.. okies gettin really emo here.. i will really miss the days we spent tog.. be it running to the chem department and hand in stuff.. or da bao food and the ever soooo long lunch sessions.. outside the lab... well of course not forgeting the boozzzz man.. pick up the habit of drinkin... omg.. gettin more emo here.. ya of course not forgetin all the suaness!!! omg.. maybe i will miss them!!! okies.. but tt is nt a valid reason to cont..

i have grown i noe.... okie smore emo here again.. feelin like cryin.. DUN LAUGH!!! i noe.. was talkin on the topic of frens withone someone the other day.. he said he will miss pple ard him now.. esp things may be the same from next mth onwards.. true in a way..

my little sis told me b4.. look at the words friEND ... personally.. i think it is impossible to keep everyone single one of ya frens ard ya.. 4 ever.. there r different types of frens.. some which u will cry in front of when u really need to.. some whom u will call upon when u really stressed out.. i noe i have a few.. some whom will be more significant in a ceratin part in life than the rest.. when i mean end here i dun mean tt u will never be frens.. but more of u see less of each other.. well but eventually if the frenship ends... let it be.. but i believe tt if ya have made an impact in their lives.. tt will be sufficient.. no need to be sad over such things.. move on.. cos u will make new ones.. and create more exciting stories.. i will treasure watever i have and hope for the future.. :)

Fooling ard..

Ouch... have a swollen gum since yesterday... ouch ouch cld nt really eat for the whole day.. was chewing on the right side.. kinda reminded me of the days when i had my wisdom tooth taken out.. hope the swelling will subside really soon.. :)

woke up early this morning..wanted to do stuff... works' really piling up.. well but mum asked me to pick the clothes tt i wld be wearin for tue's interview.. wanted to go in another dress.. but... i tihnk this time i need to be more formal.. due to the nature or the job.. hmmm found sth nice.. really excited abit it.. but really can't imaging wearing shirt and skirt/pants to work daily.. omg.. tt is so freaky.. :) was talkin to a fren the other day.. i want to find a job tt allows me to wear my dresses.. haha okies.. i noe... i noe.. u pple going to say.. WHAT!!!!! okies.. tt shld nt be the way.. but still excited abt the future.. :)

fooling ard with more than 1 partner.. i think when it comes to matters of the heart.. one shld be really clear abt wat they want.. it is nt gd to give the wrong ideas or lead someone on.. cos pple do get hurt.. i hate it when guys fool ard and not even noe the gals tt they r with!!! tt is totally ridiculous!!!! (don't mind me. just watched UGLY betty!!!) oh also.... there was this part, tt when a ugly gal flirted.. everyone gave her werid looks... only pretty gals can flirt ard and get guys? those who r less fortunate in the looks department can't???? YYYYY... i think everyone has the potential.. it is a matter they want to or not.. hmmm okie si noe i am being one-sided.. there r pretty gals who dun too.. well just a tt... well but i tink a word of caution..don't over do it.. i think it is never good to play ard with guy's feelings.. they r humans afterall...