feeling really heavy

somtimes i think i think too much... always think of things tt may not or WILL NOT HAPPEN.. always hoping for sth but in the end things dun turn out the way i want.. IN the end.. full of hurt and disappointment.... maybe i take things too hard. i shld just learn to let go. things will be fine i guess. listening to 可惜不是你.. really sad n nice song.. does it reflects wat i want to say? haha maybe maybe not.. will sing this at K tml...

kinda like my new hair.. a little thin though but it is much neater and manageable..:P more nu ren and also can be quite cute if i get a clip. tml shall shop for a pink clip!!!

so excited for this week!!! have so many things packed... going to listen to jazz at RITZ.. watch SI!!!!! my goodness. i hope this will keep my mind off certain issues...

AIfen Jia YO!!!!:P

Being Superficial

last night had so much fun.. where was i in the past few years man!!! went to listen jazz with stef at regent hotel. it was ok!! prob not really my type of jazz.. den we went to have supper.. wanted to just settle for the place we went to have the peanut butter toast, but i felt like having ore lua.. suggest cine... but i changed my mind, wanted a burger. stef suggested kallang Macs cos it was a 24hr chain. den i was like since we in the east y not geylang beef horfan. went there and circled a few rounds but cld not get a parking slot so we headed for kallang mac. on our way there, i felt like eating at cine, but we were near Kallang macs already so we settled for there... my goodness!!! i am soooo fickled minded... argh.. can't stand myself at times too!!!

Went to rebond my hair just now, I sat there from 1130 to 430!!! my goodness!!! it was super long.. my butt was really aching from too much sitting down.. lol.. dun really like my hair for now.. it is quite short and stink of the rebond cream. i miss my long and flowy though quite messy hair.. sometimes i wonder why do i go and rebond? can't i just leave it the way it is!!! do i need to change myself to fit in the crowd? The NORM? but if i dun do tt, will i be abnormal? WHAT IS EXACTLy the norm and wat is not? it is all very subjective. R pple really gettin tt superficial? y r pple going for plastic surgery? is tt the norm now and acceptable? The long and flowly hair tt many artist have is what everyone one desires? sometimes i feel that this world is just full of lies and bluffs.... an image is no other than a mask one give oneself.. it is just so tough to find the real person behind tt mask at times too...

Shop SHop SHOP!!!!!!!

went shopping today... bought 2 tops and heel... wow..it never felt sooooo goood!!!!! must shop more..... last night went for supper with stef!!! it was good.. esp the peanut butter toast with condensed milk... mmmmmmmmmm the taste is still in my mouth!!she drove!!! my goodnesss.. i want to drive soon too!!! before tt audrey, hf, me and ben went to the airport to sent the PHD students off to spain.. we had poppye chicken... it was ok only i feel... it is crisper than the KFC one though.. hehe.. den we were crapping too!!! i was a total fashion disaster last night man... the clothes all super dun match!!! my goodnesss..... pls forget wat u have seen pple!!!!... :P oh we got ben a shirt too.. a while top.. audrey chose it.. not bad quite smart lookin alittle mature though i tt... ben hope ya like it man!!!

tml, i am going back to the lab to run stuff haiz........ noone will be there with me.. it will not be the 6 pple full in force already.. :....( hope things will turn out fine.. must jia yo jia yo!!!!!

我真的累得不想再拉扯....

today i finally got my honours project. it is going to be my baby for the next year. i was feeling really hurt for the past 2 days. had mixed feelings about doing this project. till now i still have these werid feelings.. i dunno...i think i shld take a break and start fresh. maybe the drive for the project will come back den.

want to talk abt my shifu... have been wanting to say sth abt him here but din.. i really dunno to say if i am grateful to have him as my shifu or not.i think he is very knowlegeable and really caring person. Initially i was really grateful to have him as my shifu, and i think everyone admire me for tt.. he taught me all the scope of lab skills.. was nice to me.. everyday ask me to THINK!!!! THINK>>> i like this teaching style really!! i must say!!.. THANK YOU!!!! for tt shifu.. i think things start to go downhill when prof leong asked me to things totally differently from wat my shifu proposed.. i felt tt he was really reluctant to ans my questions.. everytime when i go and find him, He will be like WHAT DO YA WANT? hostile? strict? tt was wat all my peers told me... after a while.. i felt really pointless to go to him.. someone tt treat me like tt?

maybe i shld not say this but well... since everything is cfm y not.. XP i am not mad at ya for anything.. but i do feel hurt how come he is more concern abt XP work.. and not mine.. it will be nice to liek pop by and ask hey wat r ya doing? NOPE@!!! none of tt... i do get upset how come he is so nice to XP and not to his tudi..jealous? maybe... i guess i am human afterall. i bet he is fumming after today prof leong said i blame ya for tt!!! i actually felt upset and want to apologise for gettin him into all these crap... but shld i? shld i be nice to someone who has caused so much agony in my life.. haha sounds like we r in a r/s or sth.. lol... y do i care? SHIFU... i care cos u treated me nice from the start and i hope i can return it the same way.. i want to treat pple nice.. it is my goal... well... i hope things will improve btw us...

i am starting to miss this working partnership... all my labbies.. i think they r the best bunch of new frens i found.. and worked. with .. gals no matter wat happen next time... lets try to meet up for anything.. tennis.. jogging sessions... KTV? clubbin also can!!!!

had a really rough day at lab today. some of the prof cfm their students already, XP and JY got their project today. At first i tt it was nothing, prob mine will come soon but it din. dunno y i feel so upset too.. stressed and worried. i dislike the uncertainess feeling. Am i really tt not good or just really horrible? feeling like crying.. cos i really not confident of gettin my 2nd choice. is nanoparticle the project i will be doing for the next year? will i be able to survive? was taking honours the correct choice?

there r just so many things tt i want to say but it is just too messy. too many feelings, dunno whether to be angry, sad, worried, just vexed.. vexed.. n more of tt!!!life suddenly seems so lost. it is very frustrating.. i really dunno what else to say.

maybe i shld stop and leave things to fate.. if i am destined to do certain things i will be... :(

MIssin ya guys already

went out with my labbies today for dinner.. (HF, AUDREY N JY)haiz.. too bad my AXA parnter cld not come.. WE ended lab really late today, left only at like 7 i think. this is the first time all of us stayed till so late to do lab. my goodness, it is either me and XP or like today with the rest!! am i slow or really slow... :P think i am slow lah!! hehe... had lots of fun today in lab!!! it was like a mini KTV session and i am like the jukebox ..... hf will go aifen sing sing sing sing... wah!! buay ta han... they better start to pay me more than a penny liao..need to drink more honey for my voice... so tt it will sound sweeter.. though i noe i am already sweet.. oppps....there i go again.. PS:( HF, u sing really well and can be a pro with more practices... )

we went to holland V NYDC to have dinner and ate mud pies.. oooo so sinful.. den sat at Starbuck to crap.. haha.. we talked abt so much girly stuff... hehe.. and gossips... tooo.. shhhhh can't really mention here though..

next week might be our last week.. man i think i will cry lah.. i will def miss this working labbies... they r just so fun to be with lah.... always crapping and singing.. we still so many things undone leh.... must set a date for them already... labbies... no matter how far we separate, lets do meet up for crapping and fun sessions.. hope to be there for ur impts events.... :P

IT's the time!!!

the deadline for honours project is on friday!!! though i had narrowed down my options, i have not really chose a project. everything seems to be interesting but i dunno if i can manage. SOmetimes i really think that i think tooooo much.... always think and think and think and in the end i miss the chance. I must learn to be more decisive faster. super duper slow coach leh... somtimes too many options may not be good afterall.

Do i really take things too seriously? Y am i so concern over certain things. Maybe it is really time to heck care and learn to let go. the more i hold onto, the more tired i feel...

I will def miss everyone in this lab.. the workin enviroment, the laughter we had. oh mostly importantly!!!! the SINGING Sessions we have in lab.. ben too bad u r not here to enjoy huifang's voice... she sings really nice... :) keep it up man.. audrey on the other hand has a higher pitch voice, sometimes a little kiddish but i like her voice, quite round and flawless. :P she must be sneezing now.. My AXA partner, hmm din really hear her sing though, but i bet she has a fab voice.. and the out of blue crapper jy, she just so love to sing.. :L

Monday blues

lab was really super duper happening today... so many accidents... :P first audrey was making her grignard reagent and it was super stinko lah.. till my shifu also cannot ta han.. den it was the out of blue crapper JY, she spilled some toluene and cpd onto her clothes. :P my goodness lah... my reaction din go well either. haiz... also dunno wat's wrong with it...:(

went home with XP today. din noe that we had so much chemistry.. we r always teasing and crapping.. abt everything.. she is a really superb babe man!! nice, humble, approachable only if ya noe her well otherwise dun step on her toes.. lol.. er thick skin? maybe haha. she is a really sincere lady who is truely concern for pple.. or is it just what she says cos we meet so often... tml we r going joggin.. lol so exciting...look out for my labbies photos..

must talk abt my shifu too!!! today he ask me to THINK!!!! haha cos he says he has not given me thinkin questions.. :P he actually looks good today with his new shaven look.. clean and neat.. nice man!! keep it up shifu if ya reading this... :P

had a eventful day i guess... yawn... tired.. from yesterday's lack of zz due to WC finals.. :{ but it was all worth itt...

Graduation

Today marks the day for many of my chem peers where the finally put on the robe and grad from NUS chemistry department. Was there to take photos with many of my good friends and peers. they all looked really smart and good. It reminded me that i have been in NUS for 3 yrs and these are the pple who went through 3 years of chemistry education with me.. WHAO!!!! times really flies. i think i dun even know half of the cohort. MY goodness!!! i made lots of frens on this journey and lost some. I really treasure those pple who loved and cared for me.. i think they r a bunch of frens that i really hope that will stay with me forever. got to noe my labbies.. audrey and sgg... and now the workin labbies... huifang, aka the stonner, jie ying aka the out of blue crapper, xue ping aka the AXA. really treasure this bunch of pple and also must mention the rest, later the will kill me.. my gor,, ben ben, pat aka pple who studied with my during the exams.. we pia like nobody business... but haiz.. the results still end up so horrible.. but never mind, i made really good frens.. i feel so blessed for havin such pals who loved me and cared for me.. i bet they will lend me a shoulder if i really need.. really touched...

Now tt the ceremony is finally over, i will be embarkin on my honours yr alone. it is at the exciting and scary at the same time.. havin really mixed feelings.. dunno whether to look forward or dread it. it will be a really tough yr def!!! i hope i can survive... and i noe i will... and i can.. well they always say study life is def better than workin. i guess i am luck to have another yr.

goals set for this yr:
1) work really hard for honours
2) be a better fren n person
3) lose wt

hahah... like new yr resolutions.. hmmm i will work hard towards those goals....jia yo!!! i can do it!!!

yawnz....

today had NMR test. Wah!!!! SUPER DUPER kan cheong man!! bet my hands were trembling when i was typin all the codes. :) but...... I passed!! now i must aim to do 6 NMR samples within 15mins!!!! my goal!!! have not been doing much in lab as there was not argon tank and DCM. haha i am so obsessed with my lab. love my lab partners sooo much, and everything in lab. USEd to HATE lab and synthesis.. but everything seems to be so interesting!!! my goodness it is JULY, the last mth of the holiday stint and i am beginning to miss it already!!! I must be really mad...

my mum was so cute!! she came over to me just now and asked me how i was doing cos she thinks tt i am too quiet already so unlike me at home. oh i am quite bubbly at home too.. hmm tt sure sounds familiar!!! :P

on a more serious note: am i treatin my frens for granted? sometimes i wonder y do i lose certain frens? :( is it tt we dun click? or just tt i treat them badly? haiz... has been bugging me for a few days...

listening: the blower's daughter by Damien Rice
it was in the movie closer. nice and soothing song... do check it out... :)

Entering the Blogging World

My goodness!! am i slow or just really slow!! i am only blogging now when the big hu-ha abt bloggin started so long ago. but i guess it is never too late to start and lettin all my dear frens to noe more abt my life. It is a good way when all of us r tt ever busy. :) let's start from today. From now onwards you guys r going to hear every bit of my life, all my thoughts, all my feelings, all my complains, all my likes, all my dislikes and maybe all the juicy gossips.. OMT!! is everyone going to run away from me from now on.. :P i am too tired already..start start my actual entry another day. :)